Palmer Pitching Shitballs in the Twilight of his Career

Yo, Dougie. I know you were a pitcher in baseball, so you must know somebody who can come relieve you of your Mayoralty, as you have already been relieved of your senses.

Methinks that you is pretty much a dickfor. Let's see...most of the citizens want the residency issued enforced. The six council members who have a spine want it enforced. A lawsuit has been filed about the residency situation. So, this is not really a request, it's a demand. Residency waivers are not allowed, there is no loophole, but you're thinking if you scream loud enough you will win.

Don't think you are going to waste my money fighting this in court and get away with it. I don't have a lot of money, I also don't get a lot from the City of Trenton for my money. But, for whatever reason, you think you can spend my money with impunity, and not pay for it down the road. Let me tell you this, Rosy Palm, if you decide to drag this out in court, and spend my money with abandon, we won't forget it any time soon. I know I'm not the only one who will make sure the rest of the world knows about your recklessness with our money, too. So smarten up, pal, before you find yourself without a reason to wear those fancy suits of yours.

People talk about the gangs in Trenton. Well, gangs are bad, mostly because they are impulsive and frustrated. You sir, are a reasonably well-educated, well-manicured Macho Thug. There is isn't much difference between you and an OG in one of our street "clubs," only, there's no excuse for the way you carry on.

I guess if you have no problem being a kept man, then don't worry about me. Since your wife makes pretty good money you'll be fine. Mr. Mayor turns into Mr. Mom. You can ride off into the sunset of Hunterdon County every night. Oh, you already do that. So I guess it will not be a big adjustment.

Hey! How about this: Why don't you run for Mayor again. That would be funny. You have at least one vote already: Pugsley Pintella.

So you still got any heat? Do you still have any respect for yourself? Do the right thing and enforce the laws of Trenton, the same laws everyone else has to follow.

G Spot on the Downhigh Out!

FUCKIN A!!! Trenton Gets New Motocross Track

The zipper almost exploded off my pants. Instant hard on! Damn, the new "Greenwood Race Track and Obstacle Course!" Who read my mind?!?! I first experienced it from my car. But shit, I don't want my insurance to go up (wait, just joking...what insurance?), and the quad (which is also fully insured...ha!) really gives me the sense of bein' king of the road. That's what I'm talking about!

I beat it home, grabbed my quad, gassed it up where we all do (shhh...at the Sunoco on 29), popped a few wheelies, tossed a few birds at the PoPo and the scowling neighbors, and I was on my way! Off to the Greenwood Race Track and Obstacle Course. Dats a CRUNK course! The first few sewers were nothing: I hardly got air. But the next two, I didn't even see them, as they were covered in crankcase oil. Guess a few unluckies broke their rides. Some people like to have caution signs where the hazards are, but twist that noise up your dirt chute. Trenton Transpo is keeping it real: balls out, no prisoners! You want a caution sign? Well, here's a quarter call your mommy!

One of the things I really like about Trenton, besides this new awesome Greenwood motocross, is that people here are really helpful. My machine stalled after one of the hardest jumps and I had trouble getting it going after. Sometimes I find it helps to swear at it, but this time something new worked. This guy came out of the bushes and he pointed a gun at my ride, and, what do you know? It started right up. Helpful people! I mean if you are going to put in a wicked motocross track, you had best do it in a nice area of town. In any other area, some dick would have offered to help push. Screw that. Wave your firebreathin' magic wand, make my ride go.

Lovin' it in TRENTON!
G Spot on the Downhigh

Trenton Wants You & They want your Garbage!

I'm not kidding. I think it is a town ordinance. I'm so glad I'm in Trenton. No need to waste precious time looking for a pail; the streets are my pail. The whole city is my pail!

I love to throw crap everywhere! It's kind of a hobby. Yeah, it is one of my favorite past-times.

Whether I'm walkin', drivin', or just plain sittin', I can toss, throw, pitch, whip, and/or slam my consumer excrement anywhere I want! I love litterin', it makes me happy. The freedom makes me happy.

Sometimes I pull up in my car, and I open my door and I drop out my Mickey D's bag. I make sure to drive over it when I pull away. If I have empty bottles of Hennessey (and who am I kidding? I always have empty bottles of Hennessey!), I play street bowling with them. It can be a lot of fun. First, get your ride up to speed, and then try to drift -- that is, slide sideways while still moving forward -- and when you get close to the corner, slam that beotch down the open sewer grate like you are tossing a grenade into Saddam's coffin! The sound of the shattering glass is better than any opera! Try it! It will set you free!

Lots of time, littering is just a casual part of life. So there are a lot of gentle tosses from my moving car, mindless releases as I walk, and a drop and roll if I'm sitting. I don't like having garbage on me, or in my car. And I think that it gets absorbed into Trenton's soil because it's usually gone the next time I drive or walk by, so it has to be good for the earth. It kind of upsets me when my stuff is gone, but just when I'm about to scream a primal F at the world, some other dude will bust the street with his own gunk!

I don't like when people give me the hairy eyeball or say things, like "Hey Don't litter!" I don't say, "Don't Breathe." or "Back off, dick. " No, I just look at them, flash a V and toss some more crap out of my car. Hey, if you haven't got the balls to live free it's not my fault. Get your own hobby! I'm just doin' what comes naturally.

So let's keep up the good work my fellow/and Girla Trentonites, let us build our piles high and proud!

G Spot on the Downhigh!

If I Gotta Have a Snowman, He Can't Be White

I'm working on my car, and this forty-something white dude who looks like he was covered in wet dough and then sprayed with WD40 comes staggering down the street. Before I can even think, "When will this mongo come drool on me with some bullshit story trying to get some cash out of me?" this dusty mongo is already on me. He is right in my space. He looks at me, all wide-eyed, like Marlon Brando with a bug in his mouth, and blurts out, "Want some of this?!"

He unfolds his clenched fist, and there, in a messy ball of plastic baggy, is a bunch of oddly colored pills. "Want some of this? Only 20 bucks!"

"Do I want some of what?! Get your stinkin' face away from me, you friggin' stinky, sweaty mongo! I don't want your drugs. You are so stoned you likely mashed up some Flintstones chewables, soaked them in paint thinner and carried them in your ass crack for the whole day!"

Mr. Obviously-Not-From-This-Neighborhood (or Mr. Hey-Look-at-Me-From-a hundred-yards-and-see-that-I'm-stoned) looked at me like I was the one who stood out.

If I'm going to buy drugs, I ain't buyin' them from no stoned white dude. That's like buying a half-eaten sandwich from a fat man: there has to be something wrong with it.

Hey, when I want my drugs, if I want my drugs, I want some style, some pizazz. The guy selling them has be cool. He can't be stoned; in fact, he shouldn't even have the drugs on him. He should yell something at me while I'm driving through, and when I'm not looking; something discreet (as discreet as a yell can be), like "EEEER!" Then when I pull over to talk, he should send me down the street to his buddy, who is even cooler; he'll be a dude wearing a long tee, and a gold rope, properly dressed for the deal. Smart decisions, proper attire, and networking. That's what I appreciate in a business man.

If that white guy ever comes back to my neighborhood I'll have him arrested. If you are going to sell drugs, have some class: lift your head up, show me some respect. Trenton don't need no cracker spreadin' his crumbs on our beach!

Yours,
G Spot on the DownHigh!