My Sabres, Rob Ray, and World's Greatest Tractor Parade all in one blog!

On my way home to visit my mom and play some hockey in The Patch (Peterborough) I usually cut through Stirling, Ontario.

It is a Mecca, at around 5,000 population (if you add in a number of the local livestock), that fuels the rest of Ontario with tractors and hockey stars.

For years there was a sign on the way out of Stirling that had a picture of Rob Ray in an action shot playing for my illustrious Buffalo Sabres, my favorite team since the mid 70's. The title above the action shot read, "Home of Rob Ray, NHL Hockey Star." I love Rob Ray—in a manly way—because he could kick ass like no other, and he might have set records in the NHL that will never be broken; for starters: fastest removal of all equipment and sweater in one motion. Velcro used to be legal. Rob was like a fighter stripper, "You want a piece of this, how about these, you like these, okay how about a punch in the head." Nothing beat the time he pounded some idiot fan who walked onto the ice in Quebec (during a Nordiques game) and taunted him. He grabbed that guy by the throat, lifted him off the ice and beat him like floppy chicken and threw him away like yesterday's garbage, all while standing in the penalty box. It is does not get much better than that. And, of course, he received no additional penalties. Got to love that Old Tyme Hockey! Not the greatest scorer, that Rob Ray, but NHL Hockey Star, nonetheless!

So my memory was flawed, here is the beatdown, not in the penalty box, but he received no penalty. I love his quote. ""thats when we sort of took a little force to him"

Here is the cover of Rob Ray's new book, Rayzor's Edge. I don't think there are any words. You just flip through it and up in the top right corner, you can watch Rob Ray beat the crap out somebody.

These days, that Rob Ray NHL Hockey Star sign is gone. Rob likely beat it into oblivion one night while he was having Tie Domi flashbacks. Tie Domi can do that to a guy.

In its place, on the way into town, a number of new signs have popped up.

The first sign lists all the things that Stirling has, and they are numerous. How numerous? Too numerous to list on their sign. Here's what makes it to the sign:
1) The Museum of Agricultural Heritage (not sure where they hide it, maybe it is just a room in some guys basement, possibly even just a drawer in a bedside table)
and
2) The Stirling Festival Theatre (surely some Hollywood stars have graced its stage).


Stirling is also home to a small pile of rocks.

The second sign has an almost legitimate looking NHL logo at the top, and it says, "Proud Home of..." and then lists Rob Ray, Matt Cooke, Eric Manilow, and Mark Dobson. When I checked this boast on Wikipedia, I also found that Stirling is the ancestral burying ground of the late NHL player Tim Horton, which lies at the edge of the village. Quite ominous, but I'm not quite sure what it means. Possibly Tim Horton's ancestors are buried there but he is not? Will have to investigate that further. Surprised that his name is not on the sign also. Something with an asterisk at the bottom saying, "buried here."


The third sign is the best, I love it. It is brand new it states, "Stirling, Home of the World's Greatest Tractor Parade." Then at the bottom the sign says, established in 2008. Does anyone else have Tractor Parades? Is this really the greatest, after only one year? Judging by the sign, it might also be "Home of the World's Shortest Tractor Parade." As it appears to be only 1.5 tractors long.
I also wonder if Rob Ray takes some time out from helping out with Sabres broadcasts and restitching all the velcro to his jerseys to join in the tractor parade? I wonder, I really do.

How does this tractor parade look? Do they pull things? Are there sexy women on bales of hay? Maybe a miniature hockey rink with Rob Ray beating the bejesus out of some other ex Hockey Star? The possibilities of this type of parade are endless. I will do my best to attend next year's.

I miss Canada.

CHECK THIS OUT!! AWESOME!

G SPOT OUT!

Scary and Stupid Marketing of Spot GPS, and Baji's NO chicken need apply!

I was shopping at Costco on Saturday, and while walking down the international food aisle, I spied a box that read, "Butter Chicken" & "Chicken Tikka Masala." The box contained a number of inner packets (MREs, meals ready to eat, just heat up). These are two of my favorite Indian dishes. I have been eating a number of these type of meals for lunch at work: I just add rice and in two minutes I'm all set.


I'm sure these MRE's are not all that healthy, but neither is the crap at the work cafeteria, and the crap in the work cafeteria is much more expensive. You can refer to my earlier post about the filthy grill at work.

I was about to purchase this "Baji's" brand exotic meal packet when I read closer, but not that much closer since the writing is fairly big. In a yellow starburst it says, "JUST ADD CHICKEN."

What the f? Chicken might be the biggest part of the meal. That's like, "Comes with Batteries, IPOD sold separately." Geez. Nice marketing. Around the Baji name crest it says, "Inspired by a Mother's Passion for Healthy Delicious Food." I'm sure the kids were thrilled when the table was set and they had to run out and kill a few chickens, and surely some were choked in the making of that product.

The above is amusing and mildly insulting. But, what I encountered next, borders on the bizarre. Not that I am a master at marketing (though I AM a Master Shopper), but who the hell came up with this promotional picture for a GPS (you will never be stranded anywhere) product?


This guy does not look like he is comfortable knowing that his Satellite GPS Messenger has him covered. He looks like he is completely lost and the only thing covered might be his drawers, soiled in fear of dying alone in the woods.

I do however like the blurb next to Mr. "HOLYSHIT I'M LOST SO F'N BAD." It says:

"Essential for any family."

What is essential? Having a picture of this guy in your wallet, so you never end up like him? Scared and alone and covered in your own excrement, and, on top of that, moronically out of style with a hankyhead? Who thought this one up? The owner of the company? I hope so, because you pray that good money was not spent on this POC.

It amazes and amuses me that in this day and age, with all the free brainstorming available on the internet, that things like this still happen.

Okay enough product complaining for today.

With much love,
G SPOT OUT!

Dunkin Donuts, Nottingham Way, Hamilton, NJ

SUCKs! They are so stupid it is hard to believe. They hardly ever get my order right. None of them listen to you at all.

There is a guy behind the counter who stands at the coffee area and asks what you want. All the while he is talking to someone on his bluetooth phone.

I will never ever go there again. This was the best screw up yet.

I ordered 4 large coffees. 2 Hazelnut, one with cream and sugar and one with cream. Then 2 regular coffees, one with cream and sugar and one with just milk.

He places them in front of me. Two are marked regular and two are marked H for Hazelnut.

I ask him which one of the regular coffees has only milk. He said they are both cream and sugar. I made him fix that. Then I noticed that the two hazelnuts were marked the same.

Same questions, which one is the one with cream and sugar and which has just cream. He said, they both have cream and sugar. I made him replace one.

He muttered something in his language (the language of arseholes) to his coworker, a woman who also screws up my order all the time. It was something not very nice about me I'm sure.

I get on the road, I realize that one of the regular coffees has cream, instead of milk. Oh well. He still screwed me on one.

I get to work I tell my boss the story, I hand her the Hazelnut with just cream. She asks me to smell it. Guess what, it is a regular coffee. She still drank it, since D&D is good coffee.

I sit down at my desk and take a sip of my Hazelnut with cream and sugar. Hmmm, no sugar. Thanks dickweed.

Happens that the only correct one was a regular coffee with cream and sugar. So out of 4 coffees 3 were wrong. And this was after I made him fix them.

Wow that guy is one stunned son of a bitch! I feel like going back there and sticking his bluetooth up his arse.

Can you believe it. 3 out of 4 coffees are wrong. This guy should have a job as a retarded psychic or something.

Okay I needed to vent. I will not be returning that Dumpin Donuts ever again!

Hey 3 out of 4 ain't bad unless 3 are wrong!

Nighty night!

Sam's Club Rude Cashier

Over the weekend my wife's father bought us a membership to Sam's Club. We already have a Costco membership, and discount cards for every grocery store, but, hey I like to shop. I know it's gay, but I like it. Sam's Club has a nice variety of items. Costco is good too, but they only have a few types of coffee, and I like a good hazelnut. Sam's obliges, with many to choose from.

Just this past week I made a foray into the Sam's Club on Route 1, Nassau Park.

After grabbing a few delicious items and a couple of essentials, I happened to notice a big fat sonofabitch standing in front of the area where rotisserie chickens are sold. He had his tie undone and he was waiting for the chickens (hundreds of them) to stop spinning so he could slaughter them further. I would not be surprised to find that he had utensils in his pocket and a plate hidden in his underwear so he could have at it right there.

There was no employee in sight but I thought, "How rude, to just stand there and wait. Let the guy whoever he is, Mr. Chicken Unslinger, do his job in peace, Fatboy. You'll get your chance. Now move your sweaty plate in your underwear ass somewheres else for a while. PLEASE!"

A few minutes later, I saw a line forming behind him. Of about 30 people. Possibly they were stuffing these chickens with Wii's. The chickenslinger came out and pulled the chickens off of their spinning death machines and placed them in cartons. No sooner would he place a carton down than it was grabbed up by someone in the crowd. I didn't see Mr. Sweaty Assplate get his, but I did notice some blood on the floor, so he may have inadvertently eaten a couple of other people in line, and not in a good way.

As much as it concerns me that I might not score what I want to score when a line begins to form in front of what I want, I waited a bit longer. I did not want to be rude. When there was no line, I walked up and took one as the fine gentleman chickenslinger was walking away, and I said to him, "Thanks." He glared at me like I was the reason he had this job that he loved. What can you do? I tried.

Shortly thereafter I checked out. I picked a line that seemed to moving all right. The lady working the cash looked a bit flustered. Dyed blond, stocky, early 50's, rough around the edges. Rode hard and put away wet.

She put her hand out and said, "Give me your card."

Not exactly polite. But I'm not keeping track.

Then she put my order through, and I wanted to keep things friendly, so I asked her if she was having a bad day. She glared back at me without answering. I think I should have said, "Nice dye job, did you get it at Kennections or the Hairport?"

I ran my debit card through and chose $100.00 cash back. I like to do that, so I don't have to pay the bank fees.

Suddenly she looks at me and exclaims, "Oh, one hundred dollars cash back, NICE! I just opened, and you want one hundred cash back?! I don't have 100 dollars cash to give you. You are supposed to tell us this before we ring you through!"

I said, "Sorry, I was not aware of that policy." To which she pointed to the bank machine and said, "That is what the ATM is for."

I replied, "That will cost me 3 bucks or more."

To which she threw her arms up in disgust and said, "Whatever."

I then stared at her and said, "You will get me my money and you will give it to me."

And she did. The power of suggestion is very strong.

My point regarding the story above is who are these arseholes in customer service jobs that don't give a shit about customer service? I know the jobs are kind of shit sometimes, but you want to move up. You need to enjoy your life, even if it's spent ringing shit at Sam's Club. Change your attitude, act like you care, somebody just might notice and offer you something better.

The dyed blond cashier at Sam's earns the Dickfor award for this week!

G Spot Out!

Dunkin Donuts or Dunkin Dimwits?

We'll see. I am thrilled to see a new store in Trenton. I'm even more thrilled that it occupied an already standing empty retail establishment and I'm completely on my knees thanking God that it is a Dunkin Donuts. I love their coffee and their donuts are good too.

What I like about Dunkin Donuts is it is the workin man's donut shop. No Wifi, no fancy music, no stupid name for their beverages and no burnt coffee. Dunkin Donuts rocks.

On my first visit I spoke with, I believe, the owner. I noticed there were no tables and he assured me they were on the way. I told him that my wife and I would be visiting as soon as they get them in. He then told me that half of the store would be a convenience store. I guess that's okay.

I purchased my coffee and bagel with cream cheese and of course an old fashioned donut and I was on my way. That was yesterday.

The other thing I noticed yesterday in the parking lot behind the D&D there were a few beer cans just tossed in a pile with some Chinese food containers. I thought,"Well that will get cleaned up."

This morning I was in need of more D&D and I parked my car and the same beer cans were laying on the ground.

So when I completed my purchase I mentioned to the woman behind the counter, who appeared to be in charge, and quite possibly could be the wife of the owner, "Hey just wanted you to know there are a bunch of beer cans that sitting in the parking lot. They have been there for a couple of days."

She looked at me and said, "Yeah there is a broken bottle out there on the street in front of the store too." I looked and sure enough there was.

To which I replied, "People don't like to come to places that look rundown, and litter does not look good." She smiled, looked through me and said, "We are working on it."

I answered, "Well you're not doing a very good job."

I really hope that the Chinese Restaurant and the D&D get their act together and clean up around their property. If they don't I won't be going there anymore, and I'm sure many other people will lose interest, too.

I guess, don't work on it. Just do it. Pick that litter up. This is your business. People are not going to walk over broken glass for a donut, and if they see enough refuse and beer cans they might just not want to park their car in your parking lot. Why? Because people who drink beer in the open in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot generally are not good people and if you see cockroach refuse, the cockroaches are not very far away.

So please, please, please Mr. D&D on the corner of Olden and Hamilton, at the old "Cook's Glass" business, please clean up your corner.

With love and cream and sugar,
G Spot out!

I hate the heat! Man do I hate that shit!

I'm watching TV and I see that there is unrest in an African country. They show all these wild-eyed crazed lunatics running through the streets screaming. Sorry I was looking out the window, that's Trenton.

On TV there are these wild-eye crazed lunatics running through the streets screaming. It is some African country. They've killed like one million of each other and it's still not enough. No wait that's America. My apologies, I'll get it right soon.

On BBC there are these wild-eyed crazed lunatics running through the streets screaming, in some African country. There are bodies everywhere. It is out of control.

And guess what?

IT IS REALLY FUCKING HOT!!

People say it's politics, or religon, or hunger. I say sometimes people are just really fucking HOT! It's like, "HOLY FUCK IT'S HOT. I'm going to kill someone if it does not cool down. Your body heat offends me. DIE DIE DIE.

I understand. My favorite time of the year is the nice cool fall. Which is now sometime in December thanks to Global Warming.

I mean there are days I just want to scream FUCK!!!!! and I do. Because it is so FUCKING HOT! I've been screaming FUCK a lot lately but it does not seem to help.

The highest temperature every recorded in New Jersey (110) where I live now, or New York(108) where I used to live, or Toronto(105) where I lived for 10 years, or on Monaghan Road in Peterborough(96) where I used to used to live.

This temperature makes me really mad. Not enough to kill but I could likely beat someone silly because of it.

I was always a bit of a grump and a baby. But since moving to New Jersey, which looks to beat my younger years highest temp by about 14 degrees, I've gotten much grumpier. My poor wife listens to my whining all the time.

I cry like a baby, "It's so hot. It's too hot. It's killing me."

To which she answers "It is summer."

Not my summer.

Okay this is not all about me, well it is really but let's pretend for minute. I feel bad for all those Mofo's over in those hot African countries.

Like: Libya Highest recorded temperature (135.9)

FUCK!

Hoooaaa. I feel hot just thinking about it.

Does Libya have any problems. I think so. Why?

It is way too fucking hot.

And what is with the .9.
I was already on a murderous rampage at 135.
The .9 just adds to the body count.

I was watching TV the other night about how the penguins are suffering. Fuck the penguins, I'm suffering here, right now. Someone had better make a big ice machine and get things back in order or order up a large helping of body bags.

Funny writing this actually made me feel cooler. Screaming fuck does not. I shall write more and scream fuck less. Which should make everyone happier.

FUCK !
THE HEAT
FUCK!

Sorry it is too hot to be polite!

G SPOT on the REALHOT OUT!

Sometimes People Don't know any Better

Last weekend I walked out my side door, because a truck had been idling for an inordinate amount of time next to the house and diesel fumes were filling our upstairs.

I looked to the right and there sitting under a tree on the street was a NJ Transit Tard Cart (the short bus.) Just as I headed toward it, the engine shut off. I proceeded to walk around the bus picking up the typical pieces of litter that get casually dropped by most who travel through these parts: chip bags, glass bottles, freezies, and all other assorted types of shit. The guy in the bus got out and said hi to me, in fact, he said even said good morning and extended his hand, and said "My name is Tim." I shook his hand, told him my name and continued to clean up my hood. He took a sip from his big can of Red Bull and walked away toward the corner.

I noticed that he was talking to another fellow who was driving a big SUV. Then I heard the familiar rattle of a large can as it landed on the street corner not 20 feet from me. I was a little flabbergasted. While I know it is not personal, would you not think Tim would have carefully set it down, or tossed it somewhere it would not attract my immediate attention? Especially since he had watched me picking up litter.

I'd had it. I was not angry, just tired and irritated. So I went over and picked up the can, and his friend noticed me. I thought, oh boy, rumble time.

I then said to Tim, "Hey, what's up with this, dude?" He turned quickly and said, "Sorry. I was aiming for the sewer."* To which I answered, "That will just clog up the sewer." I added, "I'm from Canada this kind of stuff does not often happen."

The guy in the SUV happily offered, "Yeah, I went to Toronto, and it is clean there, man. What the fuck is wrong with us? This is all fucked up. Why do we have to do this? He's right."

No, he was not being sarcastic. He actually agreed.

Tim then reached out for the can in my hand. I said, "Don't worry about it, dude. I got it. You're not the only one, look at the street." The street was covered in litter. I added, "I'm not trying to give you a hard time. Everyone does it. But maybe you could try to put it in a garbage can next time?"

He wished me a nice day and I moved on. Nothing funny here. Just a thought. I think they actually felt kind of bad, and they might just think about it next time they throw litter. It probably won't stop them, but they will think about it. Sometimes it is the thought that counts.

G SPOT on the LitterDownLow!


*I do, however, like the fact that he was aiming for the sewer. I guess close counts in the Litter Toss. Where is the logic in that response?