Dead People Shit too!

I used to think Trenton had it all, that we we knew everything. But no, no we don't. In fact I've just found out that we possibly know nothing. Well, nothing about the afterlife, anyway. Seems that the sophisticated and well-heeled city of Camden recently undertook a study.

What are the results of this study, you ask? Dead people do indeed take shits!

Now, that is spending your hard-earned tax dollars the right way! Possibly only cities that are run as federal corporations can afford such awesome undertakings.

And did Camden stop there, just with a conclusion? No, No not at all. They took action, and they blew through the red tape. They installed a "Johnny on the Spot!" And now people who have died in the last 100 to 150 years, who have been laid to rest in the cemetery on Mt. Ephraim Road in Camden can drop a dusty deuce without having the rest of their gimpy friends watching.

That rocks!!

Dougy, why didn't you think of this? You still have time. Can you imagine the benefits of having a crap-can for tomb dwellers in our fair city ? It might possibly mean a busy month cleaning up, but somehow I think it would release the stench of our past.

Camden has it all over us. Who would have thought of placing a "Johnny" in a cemetery, and leaving it there for three years? Wow, that takes balls and determination.

Come on Trenton, stop lagging behind! And to you lucky dead fuckers in Camden, let me know if you need any reading material, I left you behind a Trentonian, and a Trenton Times but that is so you can wipe your ass,

G SPOT on the Downhigh

A Man Making a Difference

To all you dicks out there sitting on your dirtchutes, there is a man in Trenton that I hope runs for mayor. He lives on Olden Ave. He is the owner of an awesome outdoor fitness center.

Sy's Gym. He has one curling bench, a bench press, and a few hundred pounds of weights. Oh, and a sign that says "SY'S GYM," and a mirror, to check out your pecs as you rock through your workout. And it's also handy if some mongo decides to sneak up behind you while you are doing your curls.

Sy is out there early in the morning, before 7am. Kicking ass. He could have stayed inside. He could have kept it to himself, but he decided to share his gym with the world. Lots of people dream, they think about doing things. But Sy did it. He is doing it. And his is a clean establishment. Today I drove by and he was standing out front wearing his work garb, and sweeping the street in front of his gym. Well, I guess he was sweeping his gym. Which is a lot of work. Because Sy's gym is the streets of Trenton, which is a pretty fucking big gym. Hey, it is how Arnold started and look what he has done.

If Sy takes a break from pumping iron, I will offer to be his campaign manager. And it is good that Dougy is not running again, since Trenton is tired of his old ass. Hey Dougy it's the 10th Inning, your team lost about 10 years ago and you forgot to go home. Step aside, Bro. Sy is comin' on through.

Sy has two things going for him, he can likely benchpress every one of you motherfuckers out there, and he get this, he (unlike the mayor) actually lives every day in our fair city. He can handle the heat, yes he can. You try benchpressing 250 lbs in the noonday sun, while sucking in exhaust, and looking at the shitcloud that is emanating from City Hall. Yeah you try it, because you can't do it.

There is only one SY, and he belongs to Trenton, and with broom in hand, he is cleaning the streets one rep at a time!

FUCK YA!!

G SPOT on the DOWNHIGH!

FUCKIN A!!! Trenton Gets New Motocross Track

The zipper almost exploded off my pants. Instant hard on! Damn, the new "Greenwood Race Track and Obstacle Course!" Who read my mind?!?! I first experienced it from my car. But shit, I don't want my insurance to go up (wait, just joking...what insurance?), and the quad (which is also fully insured...ha!) really gives me the sense of bein' king of the road. That's what I'm talking about!

I beat it home, grabbed my quad, gassed it up where we all do (shhh...at the Sunoco on 29), popped a few wheelies, tossed a few birds at the PoPo and the scowling neighbors, and I was on my way! Off to the Greenwood Race Track and Obstacle Course. Dats a CRUNK course! The first few sewers were nothing: I hardly got air. But the next two, I didn't even see them, as they were covered in crankcase oil. Guess a few unluckies broke their rides. Some people like to have caution signs where the hazards are, but twist that noise up your dirt chute. Trenton Transpo is keeping it real: balls out, no prisoners! You want a caution sign? Well, here's a quarter call your mommy!

One of the things I really like about Trenton, besides this new awesome Greenwood motocross, is that people here are really helpful. My machine stalled after one of the hardest jumps and I had trouble getting it going after. Sometimes I find it helps to swear at it, but this time something new worked. This guy came out of the bushes and he pointed a gun at my ride, and, what do you know? It started right up. Helpful people! I mean if you are going to put in a wicked motocross track, you had best do it in a nice area of town. In any other area, some dick would have offered to help push. Screw that. Wave your firebreathin' magic wand, make my ride go.

Lovin' it in TRENTON!
G Spot on the Downhigh