My domicile is Trenton, What Else?!

I've been reading the papers recently and a lot of people are up in arms over people who make their money here, but don't live here, even though they's s'posed to. Well, they're not living here very much anyway, or in some cases not at all. Who loses in this scenario? They do, of course!

Livin in the city of Tren'on comes with many privileges. Name one? I can name more than one!

The Secret Rules and Regulations of Trenton:

Section 1: Motor Vehicles
I can ride my ATV/Dirtbike/Scooter/Donkey/Car on any paved, or unpaved surface I feel like.
Subsection:
1.1 Operator of any of the above does not need a) License b) Registration c) Insurance.
1.2 Operator does, however, need a helmet. A helmet replaces registration and insurance.
1.3 Operator does not need any type of lighting on vehicle, unless there is a Lunar eclipse.
1.4 Operator must pop wheelies, blow stop signs and laugh wholeheartedly if pursued by law enforcement.
1.5 If operator cannot prove ownership of above mentioned transport, then possibly someone else can.
1.6 Operator can only tint everything. Even license ID. If they can't see it, you ain't doin it.

Section 2: Community Events
Any and all "Light the Night" celebrations can and should end up with a beating of a civilian of your choice.

Section 3: Litter
Littering is compulsory. Just plain ole tired of carrying it? Drop it! Keep your ride clean by usin' the garbage cans God provided for us: the sewer drains!

Section 4: Noise
4.1 Music: The more excessive, the better. Any time, any where.
4.2 Dogs: canine homies are encouraged to bark their fool heads off day and night (and for the record, leashes are optional. Dog poop questions? See "Section 3: Litter" above.)

Section 5: The Media
Any "award-winning journalist" of a local newspaper (said "award" being for "Best Journalist Among Other Journalists Who All Suck and Like to Blather On and On and Never Stop, Even When They are 'Beugois' and Like to be Puppets Award") can say whatever s/he wants, even if it makes no fuckin sense. Said "award-winning journalist" will still get paid, but may have to supply his/her own paper to write on. Said "award-winning journalist" may go back to his/her home at night. That home not being here.

Section 6: Law Enforcement
The Police department is run remotely from another town, allowing for citizens to make own rules, and perform for Video Surveillance Cameras, which may or may not catch said performance because they are substandard.

Section 7: Oh yeah, Crime is down!

So there are some great reasons to live here. It's why I do.

G Spot on the Downhigh

FUCKIN A!!! Trenton Gets New Motocross Track

The zipper almost exploded off my pants. Instant hard on! Damn, the new "Greenwood Race Track and Obstacle Course!" Who read my mind?!?! I first experienced it from my car. But shit, I don't want my insurance to go up (wait, just joking...what insurance?), and the quad (which is also fully insured...ha!) really gives me the sense of bein' king of the road. That's what I'm talking about!

I beat it home, grabbed my quad, gassed it up where we all do (shhh...at the Sunoco on 29), popped a few wheelies, tossed a few birds at the PoPo and the scowling neighbors, and I was on my way! Off to the Greenwood Race Track and Obstacle Course. Dats a CRUNK course! The first few sewers were nothing: I hardly got air. But the next two, I didn't even see them, as they were covered in crankcase oil. Guess a few unluckies broke their rides. Some people like to have caution signs where the hazards are, but twist that noise up your dirt chute. Trenton Transpo is keeping it real: balls out, no prisoners! You want a caution sign? Well, here's a quarter call your mommy!

One of the things I really like about Trenton, besides this new awesome Greenwood motocross, is that people here are really helpful. My machine stalled after one of the hardest jumps and I had trouble getting it going after. Sometimes I find it helps to swear at it, but this time something new worked. This guy came out of the bushes and he pointed a gun at my ride, and, what do you know? It started right up. Helpful people! I mean if you are going to put in a wicked motocross track, you had best do it in a nice area of town. In any other area, some dick would have offered to help push. Screw that. Wave your firebreathin' magic wand, make my ride go.

Lovin' it in TRENTON!
G Spot on the Downhigh