My Sabres, Rob Ray, and World's Greatest Tractor Parade all in one blog!

On my way home to visit my mom and play some hockey in The Patch (Peterborough) I usually cut through Stirling, Ontario.

It is a Mecca, at around 5,000 population (if you add in a number of the local livestock), that fuels the rest of Ontario with tractors and hockey stars.

For years there was a sign on the way out of Stirling that had a picture of Rob Ray in an action shot playing for my illustrious Buffalo Sabres, my favorite team since the mid 70's. The title above the action shot read, "Home of Rob Ray, NHL Hockey Star." I love Rob Ray—in a manly way—because he could kick ass like no other, and he might have set records in the NHL that will never be broken; for starters: fastest removal of all equipment and sweater in one motion. Velcro used to be legal. Rob was like a fighter stripper, "You want a piece of this, how about these, you like these, okay how about a punch in the head." Nothing beat the time he pounded some idiot fan who walked onto the ice in Quebec (during a Nordiques game) and taunted him. He grabbed that guy by the throat, lifted him off the ice and beat him like floppy chicken and threw him away like yesterday's garbage, all while standing in the penalty box. It is does not get much better than that. And, of course, he received no additional penalties. Got to love that Old Tyme Hockey! Not the greatest scorer, that Rob Ray, but NHL Hockey Star, nonetheless!

So my memory was flawed, here is the beatdown, not in the penalty box, but he received no penalty. I love his quote. ""thats when we sort of took a little force to him"

Here is the cover of Rob Ray's new book, Rayzor's Edge. I don't think there are any words. You just flip through it and up in the top right corner, you can watch Rob Ray beat the crap out somebody.

These days, that Rob Ray NHL Hockey Star sign is gone. Rob likely beat it into oblivion one night while he was having Tie Domi flashbacks. Tie Domi can do that to a guy.

In its place, on the way into town, a number of new signs have popped up.

The first sign lists all the things that Stirling has, and they are numerous. How numerous? Too numerous to list on their sign. Here's what makes it to the sign:
1) The Museum of Agricultural Heritage (not sure where they hide it, maybe it is just a room in some guys basement, possibly even just a drawer in a bedside table)
and
2) The Stirling Festival Theatre (surely some Hollywood stars have graced its stage).


Stirling is also home to a small pile of rocks.

The second sign has an almost legitimate looking NHL logo at the top, and it says, "Proud Home of..." and then lists Rob Ray, Matt Cooke, Eric Manilow, and Mark Dobson. When I checked this boast on Wikipedia, I also found that Stirling is the ancestral burying ground of the late NHL player Tim Horton, which lies at the edge of the village. Quite ominous, but I'm not quite sure what it means. Possibly Tim Horton's ancestors are buried there but he is not? Will have to investigate that further. Surprised that his name is not on the sign also. Something with an asterisk at the bottom saying, "buried here."


The third sign is the best, I love it. It is brand new it states, "Stirling, Home of the World's Greatest Tractor Parade." Then at the bottom the sign says, established in 2008. Does anyone else have Tractor Parades? Is this really the greatest, after only one year? Judging by the sign, it might also be "Home of the World's Shortest Tractor Parade." As it appears to be only 1.5 tractors long.
I also wonder if Rob Ray takes some time out from helping out with Sabres broadcasts and restitching all the velcro to his jerseys to join in the tractor parade? I wonder, I really do.

How does this tractor parade look? Do they pull things? Are there sexy women on bales of hay? Maybe a miniature hockey rink with Rob Ray beating the bejesus out of some other ex Hockey Star? The possibilities of this type of parade are endless. I will do my best to attend next year's.

I miss Canada.

CHECK THIS OUT!! AWESOME!

G SPOT OUT!

Scary and Stupid Marketing of Spot GPS, and Baji's NO chicken need apply!

I was shopping at Costco on Saturday, and while walking down the international food aisle, I spied a box that read, "Butter Chicken" & "Chicken Tikka Masala." The box contained a number of inner packets (MREs, meals ready to eat, just heat up). These are two of my favorite Indian dishes. I have been eating a number of these type of meals for lunch at work: I just add rice and in two minutes I'm all set.


I'm sure these MRE's are not all that healthy, but neither is the crap at the work cafeteria, and the crap in the work cafeteria is much more expensive. You can refer to my earlier post about the filthy grill at work.

I was about to purchase this "Baji's" brand exotic meal packet when I read closer, but not that much closer since the writing is fairly big. In a yellow starburst it says, "JUST ADD CHICKEN."

What the f? Chicken might be the biggest part of the meal. That's like, "Comes with Batteries, IPOD sold separately." Geez. Nice marketing. Around the Baji name crest it says, "Inspired by a Mother's Passion for Healthy Delicious Food." I'm sure the kids were thrilled when the table was set and they had to run out and kill a few chickens, and surely some were choked in the making of that product.

The above is amusing and mildly insulting. But, what I encountered next, borders on the bizarre. Not that I am a master at marketing (though I AM a Master Shopper), but who the hell came up with this promotional picture for a GPS (you will never be stranded anywhere) product?


This guy does not look like he is comfortable knowing that his Satellite GPS Messenger has him covered. He looks like he is completely lost and the only thing covered might be his drawers, soiled in fear of dying alone in the woods.

I do however like the blurb next to Mr. "HOLYSHIT I'M LOST SO F'N BAD." It says:

"Essential for any family."

What is essential? Having a picture of this guy in your wallet, so you never end up like him? Scared and alone and covered in your own excrement, and, on top of that, moronically out of style with a hankyhead? Who thought this one up? The owner of the company? I hope so, because you pray that good money was not spent on this POC.

It amazes and amuses me that in this day and age, with all the free brainstorming available on the internet, that things like this still happen.

Okay enough product complaining for today.

With much love,
G SPOT OUT!