The Grand Duke of Stirling, Joseph Santiago, keeps telling us that crime is down, crime is down. So why, then, are almost all of the cherished restaurants and their patrons gone from the city? It's because what most people want is MORE FREAKIN' CRIME, right? The restaurants may be dwindling, but that doesn't mean this city can't feed you what you need.
Here are some Chef Specials you missed over the last couple of weeks*:
Special One: "A good old beating/Robbery"
This little baby can be served up any time of the day, hot or cold. The price, negotiable, sometimes you forget where you put your purse and it costs whatever you got, sometimes you'll be so happy to be pounded into the ground that you'll give them your car. These little delicacies were served up on November 19th, November 26th, twice on November 29th and December 1st, and twice on December 3rd.
Special Two: "Armed Robbery with two sides of beating and a topping of pistol whip"
MMMMmmm, this is just so goddamned good, we just can't seem to keep it on the shelf. Quite a few servings of this were spooned up to citizens and non-citizens in past couple of weeks. Let's see, November 25th, November 28th, November 29th, December 1st, thrice. If you are really lucky they will deliver it to your own home, which they did twice on December 4th. We even have drive thru, one customer was all set to sit down to a knife tapping on the window of her car when she realized that the light had changed and she had better move on.
Special Three: "Beating A La Mode":
Just a plain good old fashioned roundhouse medium rare, with a sprinkling of boots to the head. This is just what you need for a perfect snack on the go! This is also quite a rarity. Unfortunately this little ditty has been in very short supply around here. The Chefs do not like to get their hands dirty.
And these are only the advertised specials.
No reservations taken. First come first serve.
But hurry, supplies will not last, Crime just keeps going down.
G Spot on the Downhigh out!
*No coupons. These offers are not available in Stirling, NJ.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
That's what I love about Trenton the beatings are gourmet style! Here in the Patch we get our ass kickings a la carte! I can't wait to buy up all the servings with my Canadian dollar in a post Christmas crime buffet!
B-spot under the greb!
I've read that the "Chicken n Birthday Cake Melee Special" recently served up at Baldassari's Regency is quite delicious, and might become a regular menu staple.
Post a Comment